If you're reading this, chances are you read my last blog and thought — wow, look at this guy showing off on Insta like he's the next big blogger (as if that's even a thing nowadays). Nobody asked, buddy. Or maybe you went, huh, said he'd write more often... just didn't say how frequently. And you know what, fair. I didn't. But it was actually a conscious decision. I write when I feel like I need to. When something inside me feels like it has to spill out. Otherwise, it just feels forced. Pretentious, half-hearted words that don't mean much. I'd rather skip that.

So here I am again — after a few weeks of doing more observing than expressing. Nothing dramatic, nothing life-changing. Just... felt like catching up. Maybe for anyone who's curious to know how am I doing (naive lil' me thinking someone out there cares).

But anyway, here's what's been happening lately —

Trophy Unlocked: A rare win for little me

I've been swinging through the New York skyline at midnight lately. Yep, you heard that right. Also been horse-riding across ancient Japanese fields with a katana in one hand and pure resolve (iykyk) in the other. Totally real. Okay fine — I bought a PS5. With my own money. And I know that sounds like such an adult thing to say — and yeah, maybe a bit of a flex — but honestly, maybe that's what growing up is. Learning how to give yourself the things you once had to beg your parents for (and they didn't... or couldn't... but glad they didn't). Satisfying that little kid inside who waited and hoped. A friend at work said something the other day (and I also saw it on a reel, so clearly the universe is trying to tell me something):

There are only two people whose happiness you should really care about — your younger self and your older self.

Making your younger self smile by fulfilling one of those long-standing and maybe too unrealistic wishes? That hits different. And so does working every day to be someone your older self will look back at and say, damn, you killed it b**ch.

So yeah, that's what this was. A win for little me. And honestly, the kind of smile I had while swinging through New York as Spider-Man or yelling at my sister during a chaotic co-op game... unmatched. Blissful. Just... joy.
Grateful to the younger me who waited. And wanted.

Work, Purpose, and Body Aches

Around the same time, we wrote our SOPs (Statement of Purpose) at work — the fancy kind that make you dig into the "why" behind what you do. Initially, I treated it like a yearly chore. Write goals. Make it sound smart. Make it ambitious. But the moment I started typing, something cracked. Unexpectedly, I found myself writing about why I actually want to write again. It wasn't part of the assignment, but it just flowed. Reflecting on how I could be more impactful, what I did wrong, what I want to improve — it was weirdly calming. It made me feel like, "Damn, maybe I should start writing again."

There's this book I've had lying around — haven't gone beyond the preface (classic me) — but the title hit me: Start With Why. And it's underrated advice honestly. Just ask yourself why before doing something — your inner voice almost always has an answer, or at least a nudge in the right direction.

Also saw this talk by the CEO of Linear recently — here's the link — and there's this line in it:

Simple. True. That's kind of it. That's why I want to work (purpose). Sure, the money is need (and let's not pretend it isn't), but that feels like a byproduct. What actually has been driving me is this quiet hunger — to build, to improve, to ship something that actually matters.

Writing that SOP made me realise why building stuff matters to me. Why I'm slowly getting obsessed with improving at things that no one's even keeping score of. Thinking of maintaining a work log as well on the site, let's see, for now gonna publish my SOP maybe, just for a self reminder.

And okay, while we're logging things — let me quietly brag for a sec: I've clocked 75 reps at the gym since I started counting (it's more than that definitely). Not 75kg bench press (lol, not even close) — just 75 days of dragging myself to the gym when every bone in my body said, "Bro, not today." And trust me, most days are "not today." But I showed up.

And if work is mental chaos, gym is physical. Both feel overwhelming on most days. Being in tech right now feels like running on a treadmill where someone else controls the speed. One day you're doing fine, next day it's 15 km/h because AI is here and sh*t tonne of "state of the art" models drop every other week also everyone's shipping in public and your favourite productivity YouTuber just launched an app again. Meanwhile, I'm like: "Hey, I just fixed a weird backend edge case after 3 hours of staring at my screen and whispering to myself, 'Why isn't this working?'"

But I guess that's also why I love tech — it's exhausting, ever-changing, and somehow deeply satisfying. It's like a paradox. One that keeps you up at night, but also makes you want to wake up and try again.

Side Note: I even said this to one of my friends the other day - Write a SOP, I think it really helps. (I will share mine if anyone wants to see one)

Flow State Days: F**kin best

To those of you who don't know what Flow State Days are, here's an image explaining it -

To be honest I don't necessarily agree with the title, there's probably no "How" or maybe I have skill issues, cause you truly can't get into flow state on will. If you could you probably would be some Bezos or Musk(not sure even if they can). For mere mortals, there just are days when it suddenly happens. Random.

There were a few days in the past few weeks — 2 or 3, max — when I hit full flow state. Like genuinely vibing with my work. I built this blog site in a day, wrote a blog the same day. Was closing PRs like a machine the other day. Everything just... clicked. You know that feeling? When you feel unstoppable? No distractions, just pure creation. It felt good. Like really good. If I could bottle that feeling, I would. But for now, I'll settle for remembering that it exists — and that it usually comes after weeks of quiet, consistent effort.

And then...Kohli happened

Okay, here's where I get a bit emotional — Virat Kohli retired from Test cricket. Let that sink in. I might write a separate post on this once I've fully made peace with it, but for now — yeah, it hits harder than most people would understand. For me, following his career has felt like following a deeply personal side quest. The kind where you root not just for the skill, but for the spirit. He was the blueprint — the guy I looked at and thought, That's how I want to show up for the things I care about. And now, he's stepped away from his favourite format. During an IPL season I'm not even watching closely for... reasons. It felt weirdly personal. Like something so precious you never gonna let go of, quite literally explained in the famous Hindi song -

"Abhi na jao chhod kar ke dil abi bhara nahi"

The Current Loop

Right now, my life looks like: Wake up → Gym → Work → Overthink → Game/Research/Some dumb timepass I'll regret → Sleep → Repeat

It's boring. Robotic. But also grounding. Some days, I feel like I'm thriving. Other days, like a cracked phone screen — still functional, but clearly not okay. And honestly? That's fine. Boring is my new cool.

Because as a random anon on X says -

The real work isn't the work everyone sees.

So Why Write All This?

Honestly? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe because writing makes it feel real. Maybe because putting this down helps me remember a version of me I'd otherwise forget — the one who bought a PS5, tracked gym reps, quietly mourned Kohli, and still found a little energy to write on a rainy Saturday morning (and Sunday as well). Not every day is profound. Most of it is just... ordinary. And maybe that's the point. In the middle of all the noise, maybe writing helps me notice the quiet. (Hence, letters from the quiet.)

As for this season of life?
Amidst unpredictable rains in Pune — it's honest, imperfect, and mine.
This isn't a post about how well I'm doing.
Because honestly? I'm not.
But I'm learning to be okay with not being okay, and still doing what needs to be done.

Then the next question is — why share this at all? I could've just written it quietly and let it sit in Apple Notes, like most things I write. And honestly, that's a fair argument. I don't usually share stuff anyway.

But maybe sharing it makes it real in a different way. I won't be sharing every blog I write — some things are just for me. But if you're curious, feel free to check in on the site once every couple of weeks. You might find something new.

And for the ones I do share, maybe it's just my quiet way of saying — hey, I'm here too. Still figuring things out. Still showing up. And if someone, somewhere, reads this and feels even a little less alone in their own mess — then maybe that's reason enough to put it out there.

Nonetheless, thanks for reading. And hey, if you're also figuring it out — welcome to the club. Maybe there should be a club. (Ahh, maybe.)

Until the next time I decide to write — That's all for now.